The Seduction game
There seems to be an overload of courses and trainings with regards to relationships and sexuality in the spiritual scene, while at the same time the question remains how we end up in bed with anyone in the first place.
Sure, you can go to a Tantra workshop or an organized cuddle pile and find yourself eye gazing and eventually maybe having an energy orgasm with Kevin, who might end up being a fantastic lover for one night and then go travel South America for a year. What gets forgotten in the practice of all lines of sacred sexuality is that what matters most is WHO we do this with. And then, of course, the question presents itself where and how we find the people who we really WANT to be intimate with.
When we were still living in tribes, there were protocols and codes to follow when it comes to intimacy and sex.
With the feudal system however, these were distorted and reinvented to fuel the division of the people, until we finally ended up with sexual liberation in the seventies and then with the overall total confusion that we have now. We all play the seduction game, somehow, somewhere, searching for pleasure, intimacy and love, but we don’t really know what we’re doing. We just know that we want to win the prize. The prize is to be accepted, loved, desired and admired, and the loss is rejection, abandonment, loneliness.
From the moment that our subconscious receives the drop of desire, our waters begin to adjust to that. Gradually, waves begin to form, and we begin to expand our consciousness to reach another’s. That’s when we’ll maybe let a touch linger a bit longer, a glance go a little deeper or find reasons to get someone special to go and look at the stars with us. That’s also when the fear kicks in, combined with the idea of relationships being linear, and it’s all about winning or losing. Everything could happen! But at the same time, nothing could happen! Everything and nothing is the duality that we step into.
From there all our shadows say: “Do what you need to do to please them. It’s life or death.”
Most of us did not experience unconditional love as children, and immediately we will start applying all our skills from childhood to find approval: Smile nicely, say yes, be controlling, be mysterious, identify their needs and fulfill them… whatever our survival strategy was back then, we will serve it now on a silver plate, decorated with all kinds of treats that we might not even like ourselves.
And in these moments we set the tone for the song that we will sing with this person, a song that could get stuck and repeat the first five tones for centuries or a song that will transcend linear reality and reach the stars.
Our society has taught us that it’s a win or lose game, but in actual reality, the seduction game is a portal to the opposite: It’s an invitation by destiny to face our naked souls and dare to expose our hearts, while being uncompromisingly honest and aware.
It’s an initiation into a reality where we have nothing to lose, because what is for us will always find us. And it’s a quest to win something that we know we will lose anyways, because life - and especially relationships - are cyclical in nature.
The how and why behind seduction is a coded language. Coded usually for ourselves, because we are operating possibly out of fear (fear of loneliness, abandonment and rejection), and coded for our lovers, who are facing their fears while meeting their desire at the same time. This might sound incredibly confusing, and the question remains: Why enter this game in the first place?
The answer to this is simple: Because this is when we have the greatest opportunity for evolution and healing. Even if nothing happens.
In the seduction game we don’t just take off our clothes, we lay our fears and armours on the ground as well.
We become naked, daring to never get what we wanted because it was never ours to begin with. We are reminded of the end of childhood, the loss of innocence and the absence of our mother’s arms around us. We embrace the new while bearing all our memories of heartbreak and separation at the same time. We open our hearts and bodies to another and step into the wide open plains of unimaginable wonders and endless possibilities. It takes fearlessness to speak our truth in this game, because we might step into some of the highest forms of ecstasy or end up with a blocked phone number staring at the wall.
So, if you want to win, you have to play. You have to show up. And you have to play fair. This means you have to abide by your codes, which are the rules of the game. Doing or saying anything that goes against the truth of your soul to get someone to sleep with you is cheating in the game - which, technically speaking, is the same thing as performing magic. Magic and witchcraft will always lead to a trade, where you give up something that is naturally yours, while receiving something that you might never have been destined to have. In modern relationship therapy, that’s often what is hidden behind the word “compromise” which is a pattern that really begins during the seduction game.
The key is to abide by the codes of our souls and hearts. These codes are in the landscape of our energy, in the words that we find for who we are and what we need.
Our codes are our individual ways of feeling safe, being able to open up, hold the space, expand, feel freedom and embrace the unknown. Knowing our codes always requires times of celibacy, of solitude, which is again something that is not particularly encouraged in the New Age community. But in order to know your rules you have to know who you are without anyone around who could possibly be a romantic interest. You have to go to the mountains and the desert, away from the waters, and find your core, which is a gold nugget holding your rules that you need to not be swept away into an ocean of self abandonment.
So, what happens if you find your codes and abide by them?
You step into destined unions, unions that will initiate you into realms that amplify your truth: Sometimes through pain, sometimes ecstasy, and very often both.
These sexual encounters and relationships are always profound, life changing and liberating. Very few of us remember how this even works, and so we use tricks, apply strategies and buy sexual pleasure by sacrificing our truths. This then leads us into dead end relationships where we try to fix the parts that - very often - were never there in the first place. We end up in spirals of improved communication, chasing orgasms and searching for theories where there are none. And the result is stress, frustration and inner loneliness.
In truth, sexuality is the most powerful portal that we have. It’s where we all come from. It’s not something to be treated lightly or loaded with dogma and theories either.
Every person we are intimate with transforms our frequency, and therefore our life.
That’s why we must choose well, and the choice doesn’t happen when we sign up for a course, it takes place when we really follow our hearts. It takes place when we become brave and courageous while holding our fears gently, it happens when we go out into the world and face the unknown, when we step into the awareness that nothing lasts forever and when we face the storm without abandoning our souls.
It’s for the resilient, the fearless, the generous, the seduction rebels and those who want to live without regrets.
And that, in a nutshell, is what is asked of us in every aspect of life. If you are able to live according to your truth during the seduction game, you will be able to do it anywhere. And when we start living like this anywhere, we cannot be oppressed or manipulated. And when we cannot be oppressed or manipulated, we will form new realities with humans who we are meant to be with. And if we form new realities with humans who we are meant to be with, we have a damn good chance of building paradise on Earth.
